Northwest Native: Why I Quit Blogging

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Why I Quit Blogging

I had hoped that one day I would feel comfortable sharing the reason behind why I abruptly dropped off the face of the blogging earth.

Summed up in one word (& gif), that reason is...


via GIPHY
And no, I don't mean I quit blogging because of my husband. As many of you may know, my dad passed away quite suddenly in March of 2016. Michael and I already had baby fever, but were planning on waiting for another year or more to start trying. However, there's nothing like losing someone important to you to make you realize how short life is.
I had an OBGYN appointment coming up anyway (that I actually set up to get a new prescription for birth control), and I decided to forego the prescription and just tell them we were going to start trying. I had a 45-ish day cycle, and the next cycle was up to day 60 with nothing, so I called my OB. She ordered bloodwork, and my testosterone levels came back high, indicating that I had PCOS.
I won't go into full detail about PCOS, but basically, if you have it, you don't ovulate (you may ovulate sporadically, but not monthly like clockwork). It is often characterized by being overweight and having excess body hair (and can sometimes be helped by losing weight), but obviously, that's not the case for everyone (so if you have messed up cycles but no outward symptoms, asking to get tested can't hurt!).
I started taking fertility drugs to try and spur ovulation. Clomid was a dud (and my normal cycles were 35 days, plus add in extra days taking Provera to force my cycle to restart) so three cycles of that took about four months.
It was really hard for me to read blogs about new babies, pregnancy updates, or, the worst of all, pregnancy announcements. I actually unfollowed a few people on Instagram after their pregnancy announcements/updates during my lowest point. Even bloggers talking about how they don't want kids and that's okay was hard (I 100% agree with this sentiment, but it just reminded me that I did want it and it wasn't happening). Eventually, it was easier to cut back on my blog reading.
But writing was also hard. This was the most present thing on my mind at all times, but I couldn't blog about it. (To be fair, I could've, but I've always wanted my pregnancy announcement to be a surprise, so I was holding out hope for that.) Everything else I could blog about started to feel trivial and pointless.
And now, after that depressing look into a tough year of my life, I can tell you that after Clomid didn't work for me, I tried Letrozole and started tracking my basal body temperature (the temp right when you wake up each morning) and two cycles later, I got my positive test on April 21st!
You may have already seen this on Instagram, but here it is! I'm due December 30th, so at the time that this post goes live, I'll be 13 weeks + 4 days.
I also can't guarantee that I'll come back to blogging. I thought a flip would switch and I'd be excited to come back, but you really realize how much work blogging is after you quit cold turkey for a few months. I have so much more free time! Plus, I don't want to be all pregnancy updates/eventually mommy blog status.

Also, feel free to contact me if you have any questions! I reached out to Alexandra from My Urban Family after my diagnosis and it was helpful to talk to someone going through it.

29 comments:

  1. I hate that for you Mattie...you weren't alone! We are due a day apart and I went through many of the same feelings as you.

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  2. I'm so happy for you Mattie!! So, so happy for you! (And happy to read something from you!) I definitely understand your need to break away from the constant overload of social media. I tend to not follow travel bloggers because it makes me a little sad (although I love to read about people's trips!). I'm glad you felt comfortable sharing this and I'm SO glad things worked out for you guys without anything too invasive of expensive.
    To be completely honest, I'm a little in the same boat, but I don't want to share that kind of stuff on my blog because I want it to be a surprise some day for all of us. It frustrating to see pregnancy announcements and hs acquaintances on their second or third kid, though. I really am SO happy for you, though!! I hope you guys have a wonderful pregnancy and you share a few things every now and then- even if it's on IG or something!

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  3. I think I must have missed this on instagram, but congratulations! Also, I was super excited to see a blog post from you again, though I can understand why you took a step back.

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  4. Congrats!!! I am trying to get pregnant right now and I understand how hard it is to see other people's announcements when its not happening for you. I hope you are feeling good!

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  5. Congratulations!!! I'm sorry that you had to go through all that and I totally understand how blogging would not be helpful at that time. I'm selfishly hoping you come back so I have things to read, but I get it if you don't. If you do and you ever want to talk about finding a balance between baby things and regular life, come talk to me! I worried about that a lot and then it turned out to be totally needless.

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  6. That is such exciting news, I am so happy for you both

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  7. Big congrats! Hard journey I'm sure I'm so sorry you have to go through that!

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  8. Oh Mattie, thank you for sharing this story. I'm not planning on having kids anytime soon but this is every woman's fear I think. Glad to see you come out on the other side. Also, yes please don't turn into a mommy blogger

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  9. this is AWESOMESAUCE, lady, and i'm SO, SO excited for you! praying all goes well!

    and i do wish you would blog, but i totally understand being burnt out.

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  10. I am so happy for you! Huge congrats!

    I feel you, 100 freaking percent, girl. I had an ectopic pregnancy in February and have been trying again ever since. While I realize I do have one child already, it's been extremely difficult for us to suffer a pregnancy loss and then keep trying with no luck and then see soooo many other new babies, pregnancies, etc. I'm doing much better now and can cope with it, but I honestly thought about stepping back from blogging and social media a time or two also. It was like a punch in the gut all the time. I totally get why you needed to take some time away.

    You're going to be an incredible mama! I'm so excited for you!

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  11. Oh congratulations, what exciting news! I am sure that it would be hard for me if I was in that situation as well. It can be hard not to wish for what others have, or at the speed that they do. Especially when you are trying so hard because it's what YOU want. I'm so happy that after your hard work things worked out for you guys! :) I can totally understand how it would be hard to come back to blogging after a break as well. Do what's best for you guys, and what you want to do! :) XO - Alexandra

    Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things

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  12. Oh girl.. I've missed your blog posts.
    & SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats!!!

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  13. MATTIE!!! I'm so happy for you and your husband! And I am sorry for the struggle and missed you and understand completely why the radio silence. Sometimes the very best and right thing to do is to take a break and give yourself space. I hope you'll still find the time to give us the occasional update or share whatever is on your mind with us! Congratulations again!

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  14. I'm so glad to see you back in my feed!!! (Even if just for one post!) I'm so sorry you had to deal with all that and totally understand not wanting to blog while depressed etc. One of my best friends has PCOS, so I know that it's a real pain in the ass (or ovary?) to deal with. But I'm so happy to hear (again) that you're pregnant!!!! YAY!!!! So much love. <3

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  15. Congratulations! I wish you and baby all the best. I hope you continue to blog but completely understand if you don't.

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  16. Congratulations! I can't even imagine having to go through what you went through, but I'm so glad that in the end everything worked out and that you're baby will be here this year, hopefully! When we got pregnant I definitely felt like I fell off the blogging wagon a little bit because I wanted to talk about baby stuff but I couldn't.

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  17. I already said congrats on IG but I just have to say it again here - congratulations!! I was SO excited when I saw a new post from you (but no pressure to come back!!)

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  18. Congrats to you guys! My friend has that, too, and I am thinking the same stuff worked for her, too! Always happy to hear a success story.

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  19. I've missed reading your blog but I totally understand why!Congratulations! I am so happy for you! I am so glad there is good news along with hard parts. I can definitely understand unfollowing people as I have done the same thing (cue the single girl who is tired of seeing everyone getting engaged! haha) some people I am happy for, others, not so much haha

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  20. I'm so happy for you, Mattie! I definitely know how hard it is to see all those pregnancy announcements when you are struggling. SO glad you were able to post one of your own! :)

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  21. Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry it's been such a rough and tough road for you. But I'm SO glad for the great news. I'm so happy for you two. You guys seem like you'll be the quirkiest, but best parents out there, especially Michael.

    Always here for you hun... xoxoxo

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  22. Oh I've definitely missed reading your blog posts! This is so exciting!! Congratulations! Hope you are feeling well. :)

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  23. Congratulations, Mattie! Wishing you a healthy pregnancy and all the best for the newest member of your family!

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  24. Congratulations!! I'm so very happy for you.

    My sister had PCOS and had a tough time too. She has two boys now, so it worked out for her as well. I completely understand why you had to take the blog break, but don't go away forever! :)

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  25. I kept checking your blog to see if we heard from you and I missed it! I'm glad you were able to take a step back and do what you really needed during that time. I was so happy to see your Instagram. Congrats to you three! :)

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  26. Congratulations!! I'm so very happy for you both. Wishing you much health and happiness.

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  27. I just happened to come by your space because you were on my mind and I cannot even tell you how happy I am to hear this news! I do not have Insta, so I had no idea! You are going to be the best parents and pregnancy looks so good on you beautiful! Wishing you so much love and luck. It was very difficult for me to get pregnant in the beginning, a long road and now I have three beautiful teenagers that I'm so proud of (one adopted) You have such a bright future my love!!!! Sooo excited for you!

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  28. Oh my goodness! I took a big break from blogging too and decided to come back and check in on some of the bloggers I used to read. I actually quit blogging after a miscarriage for the exact same reason. I just couldn't take seeing everything. But YAYYYY!!! How exciting for you!! I hope everything is going great! I actually just had my own baby (which is why I started blogging again) so I was afraid to comment thinking you wouldn't want to see it, until I got to the end! Congratulations!! I'll be on the lookout for updates!

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