Northwest Native: Babies.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015


When I was little, the first thing I remember wanting to be when I grew up was a mom. I think a lot of girls probably experienced this. How else do you explain baby dolls?! I guess it was because I admired my mom. Or maybe I was self-centered and thought my mom had an awesome job getting to raise an angel like me, and I wanted to raise an angel too.

I then entered a pessimistic, rebellious, jaded (or some other similar adjective) phase in college when I decided I would never get married. What's the point? I could date someone forever and we could not get married, or I could just never find 'the one' and not be married. It worked either way! And I also decided I wouldn't be having children. At least not biologically. I just didn't want to completely alter my body forever. I was open to adopting a child on my own, or with a partner. Just not a husband. Because I don't know, I thought boys were the scum of the earth or something. (Seriously, I didn't even have really bad experience with guys, I don't know where my temporary man-hatred came from.)

Fast forward to now and I am an old married lady. Yes, a lot of stuff happened in between, but that's a post (or series, perhaps) for another time. And I've had baby fever ever since I first saw my favorite ever baby picture of Michael. He's a toddler, holding an adult's hand (they're cut off--probably one of his parents) and wearing a suit. A SUIT. Toddlers in suits just get to me. Anyway, he's wearing this suit and scream-crying his head off. His face is bright red with the effort. I know this makes me sound evil, but seriously, it's just the cutest. I'm not some freak who takes pleasure in children crying. This picture though, it's just precious.

Once I changed my mind on marriage, I also changed my mind on kids. I wanted to have a mini Michael like the one in that picture. Michael has told me the same about wanting a mini Mattie. His baby fever is much more fervent than mine, and much less rational. I do want babies, but we just got married, we don't own a home, and I want a few more years of freedom. He wants babies. And that's where his logic stops. Ha. Every time I see cute pictures of babies or cute baby clothes at a store and mention something about my ovaries hurting (ha!) Michael jumps at the chance. "Do you want one?!" And I always shut him down and say in a few years. He almost won the other weekend though. We stopped at Old Navy and saw the cutest onesies and baby leggings I have ever seen in my life.
adorable onesies
Onesies: Here, here, here, and here
baby pants!
Leggings: Here & here
Are you kidding me with those?! Buffalo check, florals, foxes and other woodland creatures?! Michael used to always joke that we should start buying baby stuff now because of inflation. This is the only time I actually wanted to. I mean seriously. Knowing my luck I'd buy every single one of these and then have a boy so most of them would be useless.

My mom reads the blog now (hi, Mom!) and I'm wondering if this post is making her hyperventilate with fear or excitement. My parents don't have any grandbabies yet and neither do Michael's. Once Michael's mom mentioned us having kids and Michael sullenly said, "Yeah, in like forty years" (can you tell he's stoked that I want to wait a few years? Ha!) so Michael's mom wrote in our wedding guest book, "It's okay if you want to have kids before you're sixty." I know she wants some grandbabies. I know my mom does too, but I had never heard her say anything about it around me (I always guessed so Michael and I wouldn't get any ideas) until a while back when we were all at Target looking at the precious Halloween baby clothes and she mentioned being excited to have grandkids one day. I'm the baby in my, really. So I've never even seen my mom hold a baby. I'm weirded out thinking about it, actually!

Honestly, I'm kind of scared of babies. I know that sounds weird, but like I said, no one in my family had babies (after me). I never babysat for actual babies. When presented with the opportunity to hold an infant I panic. Yes, seeing an adorable baby melts my heart, but holding one is terrifying to me. I get so stiff and feel so relieved once someone takes it away from me. Michael's cousin had a baby a year ago. We met her at Thanksgiving last year and I had an awkward horrifying baby-holding experience. I haven't held her since. Michael's aunt (the baby's grandma) told me that she's always been like that with babies. She liked to hold her own, and she likes to hold her granddaughter, but holding babies has never been her thing. So maybe I'm not insane after all.

I'm going to be honest right biggest fear about pregnancy is my feet growing. I've heard from multiple women that their feet grew a whole size. My feet are already huge. It honestly gives me anxiety thinking about having to go up a shoe size. And what do I do with all the shoes I own already?! Deep breaths...

So...that's what I'm waiting on. What about you?

Side note: It's also my mom's birthday today! Happy birthday, mom!

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  1. Mattie this post cracks me up!! I want a baby now too, insert my husband saying no!!! I have huge feet too but a baby will be so worth anything once he/she is here :) And I'm swooning over all the baby clothes!!! I want one lol :)

  2. You are so funny girl but your fears are definitely valid and what a lot of women feel! A baby is truly the most wonderful thing in the world from these adorable onesies, your future baby is going to be one stylish little one!

  3. I have always felt a little uncomfortable with babies, too!! It has gotten better since my nephew was born but they are just so tiny and makes me nervous. Some days I am thankful I don't have kids and others I am just like I want one now! Haha it will happen when it is supposed to!

  4. So, I adore my son. But I am so not a baby person. Like people will have babies and be all like, do you want to hold him. Um, no I don't. Haha. Really though, you will be awesome when the time is right for you guys. Whatever decisions you all make.

  5. I dont think feet grow in length as much as puffy growth. My poor friend, her feet looked like they were going to explode. I'm probably not helping, am I?
    I love you're already thinking babies! :) I know your momma is excited about that.
    happy birthday to her too!!!

  6. I love this!!! I was the same way - NO to kids - then YES after getting married, and now NOOOO MORE. Haha. I'd definitely recommend you wait at least a bit to enjoy time with just you and Michael. I definitely long for those days sometimes ;)

  7. same way! As a younng child I was like babies, babies, I really wanted a sibling. And then when I was 19 I went through crazy baby fever and then 21 I was like nah, no kids. And then a few months later I was pregnant with sophie. And now I wouldn't change it for the world. Some days she drives me nuts, but I still love her just as much as ever :)

    And no I'm still the same way about holding other people's babies, when I picked up Sophie no issue, but if someone is like, "oh would you like to hold her?" I'm just like nooooooo, keep her, I don't want to drop her. I think it's because she's not my baby I worry a lot more than she'll do something I'm not expecting.

    liz @ sundays with sophie

  8. It's definitely a huge decision. And no matter what decision you're trying to make (marriage, money, job, babies, etc!) the "what ifs" and "I need to wait til I have more money, better job, am older, am ready, insert whatever here"s always play a big part. My advice is to not focus on those things. There will always be what ifs and you'll never be "ready". Haha There will always be a fear or something that you'd like to do first. My advice is to really pray about it and see what God is calling you to do. It might be scary, but trust me, it'll be perfect in the end! I know from experience. ;) Prayers for you, friend! -Jess, Sweet Little Ones

  9. I think I was on the same roller coaster with the whole baby thing. I played with dolls when I was little and couldn't wait to be a mom. Then I got older and I couldn't really see myself having kids because I wanted to be selfish and not weighed down. And my thought was that you dont have to have kids to be fulfilled. And while I still believe that you dont have to have them, I want them. I wanted to spend a few years in my marriage just the two of us though to have a solid foundation so we knew who we were without them. And I recommend that to anyone. There is no rush.

  10. Babies make me very nervous too, especially infants. Once they get to be a few months old, then I'm good. I'm not on the baby wagon at all though & not sure if that will change. I've never really been around kids before until my fiancés cousins started having them. And it's usually very overwhelming! All of my married friends have waited a few years to start having kids which I think is smart. Then you can just enjoy being married!

    PS- I am glad that you posted those onesies since I have a baby shower this weekend & wanted to get a few more things! Those are SO adorable!

  11. I NEVER wanted kids. i was very vocal about it too, and then two things happened to me. 1) i got a dog, and found out how rewarding being a dog mom was and 2) i met a boy i actually liked and could picture my life with. and now i want like 4 kids. haha

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  13. Oh girl, I can relate. My boyfriend has baby fever galore. I'm just like you, where I'm still trying to enjoy some of my freedom before I settle down. We were in TJ Maxx the other day, gushing over newborn onesies. He's sitting there saying, "See, you want one! I can tell." To make matters worse, my moms an aisle over yelling, "Kaitlyn, look how cute this outfit is. I want a grand baby!!" I'm just laughing at the two of them, trying to convince me that this is what I want. Lol, I'd love to have a baby, but I'm in no rush. There's a couple of things I still feel like I need to do for me, before I settle down. However, I do love looking at baby clothes. They're the cutest little outfits.

    Kaitlyn @

  14. I love this post! I feel the same way. It's so great to enjoy some time as a married couple first (though it's funny that Michael wants them right now! Hehe). I totally get the fear of feet growing! My mom's grew a whole size, and I don't want that to happen!

  15. awh you will make the CUTEST mini's, girl!! :) But I feel ya, sometimes I am just doing my own thing and i think "wow, when we have kids, I can't just sit and do nothing sometimes or just go anywhere whenever I want anymore" We want littles for sure, just not sure when it will happen! Those baby clothes tho. OMG. Whenever I hold a baby, I'm like K I WANT ONE. So there's that... ;)

  16. Hahahaha okay, John and I are total opposites of you guys. If John said okay, I would have a baby tomorrow. I have no logic either. But John is always planning lightyears ahead of me, and he thinks it's best to wait until we pay down some debt, and settle down and have a real home, and blah blah. But I just am dying to be a Mom already. I cry all the time that my life makes no sense and I don't think it will until I become a Mom. Maybe thats crazy, but it's just all I can imagine doing with my life. I sound like a freak!!! No one read this lol.

    I think though on the other hand, it is good to wait a while. Get used to married life and travel and all that. I always tell John if we aren't going to have kids yet we better have fun. Like let's do all the cool shit we want to do now and get it out of our system, and then spend our 30s raising kids. (Or forever because they don't disappear after 30 lol.)

    1. Also, about the baby picture...I have some of John and I die. I just die. I want a baby that looks exactly like him so bad it hurts.

  17. I think i'm currently in the mindset you had in college, haha. Meh marriage, yikes babies. Sometimes, I think they are super adorable, and sometimes I'm just like WHAT ABOUT MY LIIIIIIIFE?! And I do not have child-bearing hips!! hah I was raised by a single parent, so I saw how much work goes into raising a little angel like me, and I'm exhausted just thinking about it! I'm an only child who never babysat, so I'm terrified around babies too. Oh, and when I was little, I wanted to be a nurse, I think because all of my friends' moms were nurses, so I thought that was the only thing a woman could be, haha!

  18. I can actually relate to this post so much! I would love to have kids ONE DAY. I am nervous for so much about it, though! The feet thing included <3

  19. This was so cute! I'm sure that you'll have adorable little mini people when the time is right. And until then, don't worry about inflation or your feet or anything else, sweets! :)

  20. Just the title of this post alone scared me. I almost didn't open. Then, I thought to myself "what if Mattie is announcing a pregnancy and I miss it just like I missed her telling us she was moving?" Ha!
    I never, ever experienced baby fever. And, I was never in a place in my life that I felt like a baby was what I needed to feel fulfilled or to give life or all of those other wonderful things that motherhood brings. So, for me, not having a baby was okay. And babies still scare me. I love to look at other people's babies though :)

  21. A lot of my friends have had babies in the last few years, which I love. I became more comfortable holding them, and get to buy allllllllllllllll the cute baby clothes without dealing with 2AM feedings, crappy diapers (literally!), and being the parent of the screaming child in public. It's a win-win really :) I've never had baby fever, and have decided that kids are not for me, but I do love my friends' kids, and my Godson. I think waiting a few years until you're ready emotionally and financially is definitely the best decision- it's not like Michael would be the one pushing it out or dealing with the physical drain of pregnancy or motherhood!

  22. OMG seriously girl i feel you on the feet. my feet are already big enough, no thanks!

    i have had baby fever since i was like 9 years old. KC and I both want kids. We've been married for a couple of years, both have steady jobs and we own a house. We've travelled. we're responsible and could handle it. If it happened, we'd work it out. It would be fine. I love babies. I'm scared of having a child - one with opinions and stuff - but babies, I can deal with. However, we want to go back home (Aus) at least once more, and that is so expensive that if we had a baby it would absolutely 100% not happen. So we're waiting until after that trip. It's terrifying to have a timeline especially because I know it might not happen magically when we want it to, you know? We'll see though. I'm enjoying life right now.

    Ps. I totally have a box of baby clothes. haha.

  23. You and I are on the exact same page about this. I had strict rules about when I would get married --date for five years, live together at least two, before getting engaged. My bf and I celebrate that five year mark in January so... ;) Anyway, he's ready for kids and I am so not. I'm terrified to hold any babies less than a year old, especially if they aren't family. I only have experience with toddlers 2+ so babies just seem so fragile! I agree, they're adorable but I'm terrified to have a baby of my own!